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A New Way of Waking Up

Every morning when I wake up

There is a specific way of seeing the world

A specific way of being in the world

That I naturally slide into

After years of practice and habit

It happens so automatically, so seamlessly

That it feels like part of who I am

Resistance, hesitation, sluggishness.

I can’t ignore it, either

It is so incredibly apparent every morning the moment I wake up

Because I wake up when my children who are bouncing off the walls with energy and anticipation for another day

Come bounding into my room and begin jumping all over my bed,

Demanding breakfast and games of pretend

You see, they have not yet learned to hide in mental caverns of inadequacy, insecurity, and inactivity

The world is their oyster and they cannot wait to create fun and beauty in their day

And so from the moment my eyes are open

The different ways in which we see the world are painfully evident

My children with love, eagerness, and enthusiasm

Me with a sense of not being enough, not having enough

Them bouncing on the bed

Me clinging to the bed

Their way is so infinitely superior to mine in every possible way

And you know what is the most wonderful thing of all?

I am realizing that I can choose to live like they do

I can choose to love life

To embrace every part of being alive because it IS an unexplainable miracle

I can seize every new day, every new moment with whatever it brings

Because I am just thrilled to find myself alive once again

I can love and appreciate even my learned mental stories of insecurity and dread

And not listen to them at all

So tomorrow

If I am lucky enough to wake up to another day

I’m going to jump out of bed with my kids (maybe even before)

And we will attack the day together

It probably won't feel comfortable

But I'm going to do it anyway

I can’t wait!

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