Every morning when I wake up
There is a specific way of seeing the world
A specific way of being in the world
That I naturally slide into
After years of practice and habit
It happens so automatically, so seamlessly
That it feels like part of who I am
Resistance, hesitation, sluggishness.
I can’t ignore it, either
It is so incredibly apparent every morning the moment I wake up
Because I wake up when my children who are bouncing off the walls with energy and anticipation for another day
Come bounding into my room and begin jumping all over my bed,
Demanding breakfast and games of pretend
You see, they have not yet learned to hide in mental caverns of inadequacy, insecurity, and inactivity
The world is their oyster and they cannot wait to create fun and beauty in their day
And so from the moment my eyes are open
The different ways in which we see the world are painfully evident
My children with love, eagerness, and enthusiasm
Me with a sense of not being enough, not having enough
Them bouncing on the bed
Me clinging to the bed
Their way is so infinitely superior to mine in every possible way
And you know what is the most wonderful thing of all?
I am realizing that I can choose to live like they do
I can choose to love life
To embrace every part of being alive because it IS an unexplainable miracle
I can seize every new day, every new moment with whatever it brings
Because I am just thrilled to find myself alive once again
I can love and appreciate even my learned mental stories of insecurity and dread
And not listen to them at all
So tomorrow
If I am lucky enough to wake up to another day
I’m going to jump out of bed with my kids (maybe even before)
And we will attack the day together
It probably won't feel comfortable
But I'm going to do it anyway
I can’t wait!
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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